Vens. Sangye Khadro and Chonyi reconnect with Laura, the professor who’s organized these bi-annual annual talks for many years.
For many years, Venerable Thubten Chodron and other Abbey monastics have given talks every semester at North Idaho College. Hosted by Prof. Laura Templeman, the talks connect the common read with ideas from Buddhist practice. The current common read is The War for Kindness: Building Empathy in a Fractured World by Jamil Zaki.

On April 8, Venerable Chonyi presented a public talk titled Bridge Over Troubled Waters (watch on YouTube). The following day Venerables Dekyi and Monlam presented a lunchtime talk titled Connecting Through Kindness.

Prof. Templeman received the following two reflections and passed them on to us with permission to post them anonymously.


Positive Impact

I just wanted to reach out to you and thank you for continuing to bring Buddhist Speakers to campus. As a student here 10 years ago, I was not able to make it a priority and not miss it. This time, I made certain not to miss it.

I personally brought my two children to the April 8th talk and afterward, we were able to engage in deep and meaningful conversations about a variety of topics. We have been raising them with the central theme of Love & Kindness, this years talk couldn’t have been more perfect. Additionally, some of my student clients attended the April 9th talk and I was so pleasantly surprised by that as well. Your efforts impact individuals in a positive way and I just wanted to thank you.


What is Kindness?

For an extra credit opportunity in my reading class, I attended a guest session called Connecting Through Kindness. Two nuns came to speak with us, and honestly, it was one of the most meaningful talks I’ve been a part of this semester. They didn’t just talk about kindness in a surface-level way, like “be nice and smile.” They broke it down as something much deeper, a skill we can grow, something that connects to how we see ourselves, how we treat others, and how we live our daily lives.

We began the session by taking a moment to put our minds and spirits at ease. That quiet reflection set the tone for the rest of the talk. It helped me slow down and actually feel present, which I think is something most of us forget to do during the busy school week. From there, the nuns asked us to think about a question: What is kindness? Their answer really stuck with me. Kindness is something that starts in the heart. It’s a desire to connect with others, to share love and compassion, and to wish others well, not because we want something in return, but because we care.

Guest soaks up a brief moment of winter sunshine.
One of my biggest takeaways was when they talked about what kindness is not. Kindness doesn’t mean being a people pleaser. It’s not about letting people walk all over you or pretending to be nice just to avoid conflict. Real kindness can come from a place of strength, being honest, setting boundaries, and still holding compassion for others. That idea really shifted the way I think about kindness. It made me realize that it’s okay to be firm and still be a loving person.

They also encouraged us to explore how our thinking patterns affect the way we live. We talked about the pros and cons of certain mindsets, especially when it comes to kindness. When we make the intentional choice to cultivate kindness, our relationships improve, we feel better about ourselves, and we stop over-analyzing everything. We get out of our own heads and start focusing on others. But when we choose the opposite, when we’re closed off, critical, or cold, we create distance. We end up feeling disconnected and stuck in our own world. That really resonated with me, because I’ve felt both sides of that in my life.

Tenzin, Vens. Monlam and Palmo, and Cleve swarm the kitchen to serve up lunch.
Another thing they introduced was the idea of cognitive reframing, which they also called “mind training.” It’s basically training yourself to see things from a new angle. Instead of jumping to the worst conclusion, we try to find the good or at least stay open to different perspectives. They reminded us that how we interpret our world is how we experience it. That might sound simple, but it’s powerful. We can change the way we experience life by changing how we think.

One quote they shared that I loved was by Mark Twain: “I’ve had a lot of worries in my life, most of which haven’t happened.” That line made me laugh, but also made me think. So much of the stress we carry is from imagining things that never even come true. We also have this natural tendency to focus on the one negative comment, even when we’ve had ten positive ones. The session made me realize how biased our minds can be, and how much effort it actually takes to train ourselves to hold onto the good.

They gave us a few practices to help with that. One was to do daily self-reflections, especially before bed. Think about what went well during the day, what made you smile, what you did that was kind or thoughtful. The more we do that, the more it becomes a habit. It’s about forming a pattern of recognizing our own goodness and the goodness in others, even when the day was hard.

Nun gives chocolate bar to construction worker.
Something else that stood out to me was their reminder that we are complex beings. We’re not just one thing. We’re not just “bad at school” or “the quiet one” or whatever label we’ve put on ourselves. We’re growing, layered people with so many qualities (good and bad) that all offers us room to learn and develop. If we ignore parts of ourselves, we’ll never really understand or work through them.

The speakers also talked about how we interpret others. Our minds love to create stories and scenarios about people and situations, but that doesn’t make them true. We were encouraged to keep returning to the heart, to remind ourselves that we want to see the good in others and in ourselves. That really hit me, because it’s so easy to judge or assume. But when we step back and ask, “Why might they be acting like this?” or “What’s really going on underneath?” We often find compassion instead of frustration.

One of the most grounding ideas was that all humans want the same thing: to be happy and avoid pain. Every action we take, even the ones that might not make sense to others, is usually an attempt to feel comfortable, safe, or loved. That simple truth helps me feel more connected to others, even those I don’t understand.

Lastly, we talked about how people often try to relax or escape with distractions like watching TV or scrolling online. Those things might ease our mind for a moment, but they don’t create lasting peace. The deeper kind of peace comes from understanding ourselves and choosing to show up in the world with kindness and intention.

Overall, this session helped me see kindness as something way more meaningful than just “being nice.” It’s about changing how we think, how we see others, and how we treat ourselves. I left the talk feeling lighter and more motivated to practice these ideas in my own life, not just for school, but as a person.

Ven. Jampa—visiting from Germany—cuddles with Mudita.